For the past few days I've been listening to my 'Liberated Women' playlist. Ani DiFranco, Alanis Morsette, Frou Frou-you rock! Let me explain- there are no underlying reasons for listening to this playlist right now- I'm not anti-men, in a fight with the Other DeLew, or generally angry. In fact, I'm very pleased with my personal representative of the male species- specifically the Other DeLew. I think it's a common misconception that all 'liberated women' are secretly angry at men.
Now I will admit that I've been in that 'angry at men' stage, and I've used a hyper-feminist agenda to express that anger/disappointment (i.e. first 3 years of college... heh). But I believe I did a disservice to feminist ideology when I used it to salve my anger. The just message of equality and liberation became clouded by my hurt and disappointment, and so I'd use the idea of a 'liberated women' to make men feel insignificant and to exert my strength and power. But take that too far and the oppressed quickly becomes the oppressor. And let's be honest, constantly making men feel insignificant and guilty for being a man is a sure-fire way to decrease any positive interactions with them. And then when you have very limited interactions with the enemy (aka men), it becomes even easier to stigmatize all men as complete tools who live and breathe to oppress women. And only when I distance myself from the enemy can I be free and liberated, right?
The truth is, that's not real freedom, and I would suggest it's not real feminism. We'll never really be free if we try to gain liberation by demeaning someone else, and I think using ideologies as a weapon does exactly that. In fact, I feel more liberated as a woman since I've been in a relationship (and now married) to the Other DeLew. The understanding that we share allows us to explore what liberation and equality really looks like. As we understand our differences and learn from each other's perspectives, mutual respect develops, which gives us the space to live and love freely. And I believe that reconciliation brings true liberation. So all that to say- yes, I am most definitely still a feminist! But I must thank my male counterparts for contributing to a more robust understanding of feminist ideology and practice.
Yes! One thing I try to keep in mind, but often forget, is that reacting to conservative fundamentalism often turns one into a liberal fundamentalist. Painting one group as "oppressor" and another as "oppressed" is black-and-white thinking, when in reality we are all "sinners and saints". Fundamentalism of all stripes ends up dehumanizing people and disregarding the complexity of life.
ReplyDeleteFinding the humanity in others seems to me the key to equality and non-discrimination, whether we're talking about race, gender, sexual orientation, or whatever.
Jon
Jon
Is it ok if I think that women are to be pregnant and in the kitchen?? Oops. I think I missed something. j/k.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, one of the liberating things for me as a man in this culture and in a marriage (19 years now) WAS/is counting on, loving, and relying upon the HUGE gifts, resources, intellect, input, perspective, and logic that my wife brings to every situation ... once I began receiving all of that instead of competing with it/her ... wow - liberation and good times.
Jonny- thanks for sharing. I've been thinking a lot about reconciliation in general recently, and I totally agree with you- understanding our common humanity and recognizing that we all are in need of grace is essential to reconciliation- in any situation.
ReplyDeleteTom- thanks for commenting- particularly your second paragraph ;)