Saturday, February 23, 2013

Because everyone wants to know how you found out that you were pregnant, right?

Thanks to typical New DeLew-style of over-sharing intentional openness, many have been aware of our contraceptive choices, mainly the fertility awareness method (aka the natural method). No gory details here, but essentially it means that I know my body like the back of my hand and that I'm quite aware of when I am and am not fertile. This system has worked quite well for us over the past three years.

The idea of having a baby has not been super far from our minds, thanks to my semi-pressuring siblings who have busted out seven nieces and nephews in the past five years. We were in the beginning stages of starting to pray about thinking about the possibility of considering the option of one day wanting to start a family. So, yeah. That was where we were at, but we were praying that God would loosen my tight grip on wanting to manage every aspect of my life. Because I have this strange tendency of feeling like I need to control everything.

The first part of February consisted of super long workdays, very little rest, and a number of high-pressure situations. I've got a pretty high threshold for busyness and stress, and yet for some reason, I was getting hit pretty hard by all of this. I couldn't bounce back. So I decided to take a four-day weekend in order to force some relaxation. Mark and I lazily woke up on Saturday and something was still "off" about me. I casually mentioned to Mark that "I'm not at all concerned, but I'm curious enough to take a pregnancy test." I wasn't concerned because I know my body.

I happened to have one pregnancy test at home (because every married couple has to have a scare at least once). And so I took the test. Then Mark heard from the other room, "Uh oh. That's not good." Positive.

The next few hours included hyperventilating, researching the probability of false positives, going for a three-mile run, lots of confused giggles and smiles, buying two more tests from Target, taking said tests resulting in two more positives, and a good amount of praying. This is real.

So here we are, on this little journey. It's exciting, shocking, mind-blowing, and sobering. This wasn't a mistake, it was absolutely where God is leading us now. Things aren't always exactly as we planned, and actually, that's the confusing beauty of it. We're on a new adventure, with plenty of twists, turns, valleys and peaks, I'm sure. But through it all, I hope to be as the righteous mentioned in Psalm 112:7, "She will have no fear of bad news; her heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord." So, here we go!