Holding Loosely

During pre-marital counseling (about 2 ½ years ago, crazy!), we began the never-ending discussion of what finances would look like in the lives of the New DeLews. We talked about our view of money and how we are to use it. Everything was pretty theoretical at that point, as we were a one-income family, so our financial decisions were somewhat limited (do you want pasta or rice for dinner tonight, honey?) But even in our limitedness, we still had the power of choice in little things. And as Mark and I would review the palette of choices in front of us, we discovered that we share the elusive value called generosity.

Generosity is a really broad term with about a billion perspectives of what ‘being generous’ looks like. A hypothetical example: Mark offers me a bite of his Kobe beef burger. This is an incredibly generous act for him. But if I don’t realize the abnormally high value he places in this dead animal-turned food, then I won’t understand his act of generosity. In fact, I may feel like he is stingy by only giving me one bite. Marital issues emerge, cultural miscommunications explode, and suddenly an act of generosity morphs into an argument about who is more selfish, ungrateful, or you name it. Sweet. Sounds like fun.

So over the past two years, we have been exploring two primary questions—what is generosity? And how should generosity take shape in our lives? I’ll focus on the first question in this post. First, I think that we should broaden the ways in which we express generosity—through our time, skills, sharing resources, etc. Our goal is not to simply give money away so that we feel good about ourselves. But I believe that inviting people into our lives, giving to others, and being open to receiving generosity are all components of it. Everyone, regardless of socioeconomic status or situation, is called to be generous. That’s one of the things that connect us to each other—we all have something to give, and we all are in some kind of need.

Through all of our conversations, I’ve come to understand being generous as the state and act of holding loosely your possessions, time, control, and status, so that you may share with others. Being generous is more than writing a big check to a community center or buying dinner for your friends. The generous action must be accompanied by an openness to let people into your life and to relinquish your sense of control. And actually, when I frame it this way, I start to realize that naturally I’m not so generous after all! It’s something I have to intentionally work on and practice. If I start to feel like I’m tightening my grip on something, it’s a sign that I need to open my hands and share it with others.

This is an important habit because as humans in a community, we are designed to share with each other. I think living generously is moving closer toward who we were meant to be. We were meant to give ourselves to each other in response to the generosity we’ve experienced—from God, friends, or whomever. It’s tough to hold loosely the things I value. And yet, when I realize that I have been the recipient of generous love and grace, I am encouraged and empowered to share that with my community.